5th August, 2008

Brangelina twins sold into slavery at People Magazine for $14 million

Peoplebrangelinatwins Lawyers for and said they were reviewing legal options on Sunday after the star couple accidentally signed a contract selling ownership of their twin babies to People Magazine for million.

"My clients intended to sell rights for the first photographs of Knox and Vivenne to People Magazine for million, with Hello! Magazine getting international rights for an extra million," said attorney Bert Fields. "But they didn't notice that the contract technically said they were selling the twins into slavery, with People getting legal custody of them both."

According to the terms of the contract, People will have full parental rights over Knox and Vivienne Pitt, with the ability to exclusively photograph, interview, and stage news events such as romantic entanglements and weight loss/gains until they turn 18.  Hello Magazine will have visitation rights every other weekend along with the ability to exclusively cover the infant starlets in Europe and Asia.

According to human trafficking experts, million is the most ever paid for a single individual.

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30th July, 2008

Celebrities unharmed by earthquake

Earthquake A 5.8 magnitude earthquake shook the Los Angeles area late Tuesday morning, leaving millions of Americans worried about whether any of their favorite celebrities suffered minor injuries or if their personal property or children were harmed.

"Are Reese and Jake OK? This earthquake couldn't have come at a worse time with them just starting their relationship!" frantic Oklahoma housewife Jeanne Fodlinger wrote on a message board. "What about and all their kids? And that nice new vase I heard she bought in France? Why hasn't TMZ told us?!?!?!?!"

However, the U.S. Geological Survey's star Bureau confirmed to Dateline that it did not track any seismic activity higher than 3.0 at the homes of any prominent celebs, making the chances of or damage extremely low.

"We are quite certain that no famous people ranked more important than Wil Wheaton were impacted by this quake," said the USGS's Dan Golisano. "We also think several dozen non-celebrities were severely injured, though we haven't had time to look into that yet.

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